Ulysses Klaue Vs The World
by GoodbecomesGreat
Summary: "You either die a villain, or you live long enough to see yourself become the hero." Self-Insert, where Ulysses Klaue is replaced with an MCU fan. Using Klaue's money, influence, and Vibranium, I try and keep out of prison while also preparing the world for Thanos. Because 50/50 odds of being wiped from existence doesn't work for me.
1. Why a Criminal?

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Avengers

* * *

_Latveria. The country was a superpower in the comics, but in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it was no such thing. Victor Von Doom's homeland was a rural nation with a primitive economy and a population living an almost medieval lifestyle despite being ruled by one of the greatest minds in the Marvel Universe. Probably because that great mind wasn't an adult and was too hung up on the daughter of his mentor to actually be a king. Victor didn't have the time or patience to run an entire country full of people that he saw as beneath him. What he wanted to do was go to college in America where he would actually learn something, and where he could make a move on the girl he loved._

_That's where I came in._

_If Victor wanted to give up his birthright and go to America, that was fine because I could rule over Latveria. I'd be a firm, but just ruler and Victor could go live his dream life with Sue._

_I held out my hand, offering the young king a pen._

_"All you have to do is sign your name," I said. "__And everything you want is yours."_

_Now, I'm not going to lie, when Victor took the pen I felt a bit guilty. I was pretty much stealing an entire country from him after all. __Still, I knew that what I was doing was for the best and ignored the small voice in my head telling me that I was horrible a person. In a few years, the Baxter Incident would give Victor the power he needed to act on his less than ethical desires. It was better that someone like that didn't have an entire country under his command. I was doing the world a favor by taking over Latveria._

_"Thank you, Mr. Klaue," Victor said as he signed his homeland away to me._

_I took my pen back and smiled setting my hand on the young man's shoulder._

_"This is your chance, Victor," I told him. "It's time for you to escape this cage. There is an entire world out there waiting for your genius to save them."_

_Victor smiled. I forced a smile of my own as he grabbed the bags at his feet and walked away._

_I really did feel scummy for doing this to him and the only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that I hadn't chosen this life. I didn't ask to be pulled from my home and stuck into the body of an arms dealer. That wasn't something I wanted to happen. Ulysess Klaue was one of the last people I'd have picked if given the choice. I would have wanted to be Peter Parker or Tony Stark. Captain America would be cool too. And Thor wasn't a bad choice either. But I didn't get a choice._

_Whoever, or whatever had dragged me into this universe didn't ask for my opinion. Yes, stealing control of a country was wrong, but I was just making the best of a bad situation. It wasn't my fault that I was an international criminal._

_"Is that it?"_

_I looked behind me as Doctor Samuel Sterns' grotesque figure stepped out of the dark. His oversized green head looked like a watermelon had been stuck on top of a toothpick._

_"That's it, Doctor." I nodded. "I'm the King of Latveria, and you're its head scientist. Now, let's get to work."_

**_/_**

When I woke up, the first thing that I noticed was that I was not in the room I had gone to sleep in. My room was just a plain old room, nothing special about it except for a few posters on the walls of movies and shows that I liked.

So when I woke up in what looked like a five-star hotel room I should have panicked. Like completely lost it. I think anyone who woke in a strange place was entitled to a freakout. The only thing that kept me from having said freakout was the new memories that were rolling through my brain like a movie. Memories of a second life. A terrible and horrible life full of killing and stealing that I was glad I hadn't actually lived.

I also remembered watching the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. All of them, even the ones that a lot of other people disliked. Which was fine, people were entitled to their opinions, but I was entitled to mine as well. And my opinion was that while not all of the MCU movies were great, none of them actually sucked. They were all rewatchable to me so I've seen them all at least three times. Some a lot more than others. The memories of those movies were why when I caught sight of my reflection in the full-length mirror in the corner of the room, I knew that I was looking at Ulysses Klaue.

An Arms dealer and International criminal in the MCU.

Seeing that face I skipped the whole trying to figure out why and how I had ended up in a fictional universe. I was no scientist, hell I wasn't even out of high school yet. Trying to figure out the metaphysics would have been a waste of my time. And I had bigger things to worry about, like the fact that instead of being a hero in the MCU, I was a villain.

_Why couldn't I be a hero?_ I thought sliding out of the silk sheet covered bed. Was there was a reason that I couldn't wake up as Tony Stark? Or King T'Challa? Hell, if I had to be a villain, why not Ego? At least as Ego I would have a good chance against most beings in a fight.

Ulysses Klaue while intelligent was still just a normal human. And in the MCU being a normal human that wasn't an Avenger did not bode well for a long lifetime. Klaue himself would die in less than ten years. Or that is to say, he _had_ died in less than ten years because no way in hell was I teaming up with Erik 'Killmonger' Stevens. The guy was a sociopath.

No, Ulysess Kalue's days of being a criminal were over. I had to get to work turning my new life around. I didn't know exactly how many countries Klaue was wanted in, but I did know that it was more than one. He was an _international_ criminal after all. And in a world that would soon be full of super-powered heroes being a criminal wasn't the smartest choice. That meant I had to not only stop being an arms dealer, but also find a way to make all of _'my'_ past crimes obsolete.

The first would be quite easy. All I had to do was make up a lie to tell my crew and have them transport the Vibranium somewhere safe. Then kill them. Okay yeah, maybe that wasn't the most morally right thing to do, but they were all horrible criminals who had done atrocious things. I doubt that I would lose any sleep over their deaths.

No, quitting being a criminal wasn't my problem. My problem was what could I do about the crimes Klaue had already committed and was currently wanted to for?

I walked over to the desk in the corner and sat down, grabbing a pen and pad. I started writing down a list of ideas. It wasn't very long, just three suggestions before my brain picked the last and started to run with it.

**1\. **Turn myself in and serve time in prison.  
**2\. **Trade my stash of Vibranium to a country in exchange for a clean slate.  
**3.** Become a King and gain Sovereign immunity like DR. Doom.

_That's the one._ I crossed the first two out and circled the third. I had to become a king. Not only would Sovereign immunity protect me, but it would also allow me to prepare for Thanos. Give me access to things an internationally wanted arms dealer could never attain. Like legitimate political clout. Maybe even an in with SHIELD.

I ripped the sheet from the pad, crumbling it into a ball and tossed dropped in the wastebasket next to the desk. On the clean sheet, I started a new list.

**Becoming King**

First I had to find a country to...take over. The ideal country would be a Third-world country. And when I say Third-world, I don't mean struggling or impoverished as so many people think. I mean not allied with the United States or Russia. I needed a country that didn't have allies, other countries that would come calling when I became King.

_But where?_ I frowned. Sokovia?

I looked around the room and found a fancy looking laptop sitting on the bedside table. A quick search for a world map and information on Sokovia ended that train of thought before it left the station. Sokovia would have been the ideal nation, small with no allies. The only problem was the constant wars. The people there had been fighting too long. As a foreigner and a criminal, my reign wouldn't last a year before there was an uprising or attempted coup.

So, Sokovia was out. Where else? I stared at the world map and moved the cursor to scroll away from Sokovia. And then I saw it. Sandwiched between, and dwarfed by Romania, Hungary, and Serbia.

Latveria.

_Ah, why didn't I think of that?_ I wanted to smack myself over the head. Dr. Doom was literally the inspiration for gaining Sovereign Immunity.

As I looked deeper and deeper into the state of Latveria in the MCU, I could barely contain joy. I wanted to jump and shout. Hell, maybe even fist pump. Latveria was perfect.

And the cherry on top, the King and Queen were dead. Their son Victor Von Doom was in line to take the throne but had put off his coronation to travel to New York and work at the Baxter Institute. Their son who looked remarkably like Toby Kebbell, who would die in a few years when he tried to destroy the Earth.

This was great. I closed the laptop and started on another list. If I wanted to become the King of Latveria, legally, then I needed a few things. Lucky for me, I had access to Klaue's bank accounts, and more importantly the most valuable metal on Earth. People would bend over backward for just a small bit of Vibranium, and I didn't have a problem parting with some of the rare metal. Not if it got me what I needed to survive and thrive in a world full of superheroes that would want me in jail.

_Or dead._ I thought, imagining the riots in Wakanda when they heard that their number one most wanted criminal was legally untouchable. Or course I didn't think that'd stop T'Challa. In fact, if how he acted in Captain America: Civil War was any indication, I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to assassinate me. _I'll have to prepare for that too._

However, that was years away. I needed to focus on what was right in front of me.

* * *

**Self-Insert in the MCU as Ulysses Klaue. This story will mostly follow the Cinematic Universe, but I plan on adding other Marvel elements.**


	2. The Perfect Tool, plus Arc Reactors!

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Avengers

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Ulysses Klaue was a damn good businessman.

I've been in the MCU for a little over a month now, and I knew that statement as a cold hard fact. Sure, Klaue had worked on the wrong side of the law, but that didn't take away from the fact that he knew what he was doing in the weapons business. After years of being one of the best black market weapons dealers, Klaue had amassed a strong network of high profile clients. Influential people who had access to things that Klaue did not. Some of who owed Klaue favors.

I didn't like what was now essentially my past; however, I couldn't deny that it did have its uses. If I had been reincarnated or whatever I was as a hero, I wouldn't have been able to get what I needed for my plan. And after only four weeks of living in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, my master plan was well underway. _And it's all thanks to Klaue being an arms dealer._ I thought walking through the halls of the ship that was my base of operations. No matter much I disliked what Klaue had done in the past, I couldn't deny how useful the acquaintances he had made were.

Without them, I'd be nothing but a dreamer with a ridiculous plan to become a king.

But with them? I stopped in the security room on the Churchill.

With them, I had the means to accomplish my goals. I grinned as I sat down in front of the monitor showing live footage of the makeshift med-bay. Strapped down to an operating table, one Kevin Thompson wiggled about trying to get free of his restraints.

I could see his mouth moving, but there were no microphones in the room, and the walls were soundproof. To everyone but Kevin, the room was silent. I couldn't afford to take chances with someone as dangerous as Kilgrave. Not when he could kill me with just a few words.

Reaching out, I pulled the wireless keyboard sitting below the monitor towards me.

_'Nod once if you receive this message.'_ I typed. In his room, Kevin froze on the operating table. Then his head nodded a single time.

My grin grew at the action. Perhaps what I was doing was immoral...no scratch that, it definitely was immoral. I just didn't have it in me to care. And it wasn't remnants of the old Klaue that made me not care. Kilgrave was a monster, plain and simple. He would get no sympathy from me.

_'As you can see, you only have one natural eye.'_ I started typing again. _'Your left eye is now a transplant that allows me to see everything you do."_

I could see Kevin frowning, and his lips started moving again. He was yelling now, and I quickly typed another message. _'The room you are in is soundproof. Your powers won't work.'_

The effect of my message was instantaneous. Kevin froze like a deer caught in headlights, and his eyes looked like they were going to fall out of his skull. Maybe he thought I was one of his past victims come back to haunt him?

_'From this moment on you work for me and will obey all orders given too you by me.'_ I typed another message. _'Next to your bed is a pen and pad. Write what you wish to say, but never speak without my permission.'_

I pressed the small metal button on the table in front of the monitors, and Kevin restraints snapped loose. He sat up and reached for the pen and pad immediately.

**_'What if I don't?'_** He scribbled down on the pad.

I smiled and pressed the keys that activated the Backscatter's failsafe. Kevin jolted, dropping the pen and pad as he flopped back onto the metal operating table, spasming uncontrollably, his mouth wide open in a silent scream.

_You're just lucky I need you alive._ I thought as I watched the evil man writhe. If his powers weren't such a large part of my plans, I'd have put a bullet in his head. I shut off the failsafe, and Kevin's body went limp.

_'Do you understand now?'_ I asked him._ 'Nod if you do.'_

He nodded weakly on screen.

_'Good. That was just a small taste of the pain I can inflict if you do not do everything I say. There is also a bomb implanted in your new eye. A last-ditch security measure in case you try and escape using your powers.'_

The threat was genuine, there was a bomb in Kevin's head, but I'd never activate it. Not until he had done everything I needed him to. Behind me, the door to the security room was pulled open. A large, bald, South African pirate stepped into the room. He had an assault rifle hanging over his chest and a pistol strapped to his side. I stood up to meet him.

The pirate was a good head taller than me, and if I were anyone other than Ulysses Klaue, I would have pissed in my pants.

"What is it?" I asked with a frown. My new South African accent still sounded strange to my ears.

"We're docked." The pirate said, and his eyes slid from me to the monitors. "Is he worth Vibranium?"

I smirked and nodded. "What I traded for him? Yes."

Cybertek had been surprised and angry that an arms dealer knew about their secret technology, but they had still been more than happy to make a deal with me once I offered them just a small piece of Vibranium for a half dozen of their Backscatter eyes. With Kilgrave in my _'employ,'_ the extra eyes weren't needed at the moment, but I didn't plan on keeping the sociopath around forever.

"Get him ready," I said. The pirate nodded, leaving the room. I sat down in front of the monitor, watching as Kilgrave was led from the room.

Over the next twenty hours, I watched as Kevin was escorted off the Churchill, driven to a helicopter that transported him to an airstrip where he then boarded a private jet Klaue owned and was flown to New York. A traffic-filled ride into the city had Kilgrave jumpy, and I watched closely, my finger hovering over the keyboard, ready to shock the hell out of him if he opened his mouth.

It wasn't what I imagined life inside the MCU would be like, but staring at a computer screen, sure as hell beat dying. So, for now, I had to fight for my survival by proxy.

_'Go to sleep.'_ I sent the message to Kilgrave when he reached the safehouse. I did not know the exact dates, but I knew that Fury's Big Week was during the Stark Expo. During that week, there was so much technology in New York that it was a weapon trafficker wet dream. Hammer Drones with Arc Reactors, Blonsky with his Super Solider Blood. Either of those two things alone could set someone up for life if sold to the right person.

But that wasn't what I was after. Why settle for a one-off when I could go straight after the suppliers. With Kilgrave's powers under my control, Justin Hammer, Ivan Vanko, Emil Blonsky, and Doctor Samuel Sterns would be puppets dancing to my tune.

Hammer, Vanko, and Blonsky, I didn't feel guilty about controlling. Due to my interference, New York would be spared millions of dollars in property damage, and who knows how many lives I would be saving.

As for Dr. Stern, well, **Project Mr. Blue** is S.H.I.E.L.D.'s name for their research on Samuel Sterns' mind after being mutated by the blood of Bruce Banner. And since S.H.E.I.L.D. is actually HYDRA, I figure I'm saving him from some rather invasive surgery's.

Nodding to myself, I typed a quick message, not to Kilgrave, but the men with him._ 'Tape his mouth shut. And cuff him to the bed."_

I yawned watching the screen as my employees did as told. I had been up for almost twenty-four hours; it was time for me to crash.

* * *

The next day, I woke up before Kilgrave. After letting the monster get a solid nine hours, we've got a big day ahead of us, and I need him well-rested, I sent a message for my men to wake him up.

With a bowl of cereal in my lap, I type the second message of the day, sending it to Kilgrave and my men.

_'Take Kevin to the Hammer Industries warehouse in Queens.' _I don't know if Justin will be there, but I'm positive Vanko is. We can get him under control today, then get Justin when he inevitably shows up to ask about his drones.

_This is almost too easy._ It was a bad thought to have, and I scolded myself as I ate my cereal, watching Kilgrave travel to Queens.

I couldn't afford to get cocky. Yes, having Kilgrave do my work for me made it ridiculously easy to get what I want. However, that did not mean I could relax. Sooner or later, he would test me; I had to be ready.

Through Kilgrave's eyes, I could see the Hammer Industries warehouse. The nondescript black BMW slowed to a stop.

_'Get out.'_ I typed, and Kilgrave complied, climbing out of the car. _'Go inside and find Ivan Vanko. Do not hurt anyone.'_

Kilgrave walked through the front door. The cute blonde secretary at the front desk didn't get a word in before he had her enthralled.

"Take me to Ivan Vanko," Kigrave said.

"Of course, right this way." the woman smiled, getting out of her seat.

I frowned as I watched the pair walk through the building. No matter who they came across, whether it was a guard or a scientist, Kilgrave handled them with ease.

"I'm supposed to be here, don't worry."

"Don't call security, why would you do that? You're glad I'm here."

It was a bit frightening, seeing how much power Kilgrave had. _It's a good thing he's working for me. And that I knew how to bag him._

Sedating him from a distance with a tranquilizer was something the men I sent after him had scoffed at. Kevin Thomspon wasn't an intimidating man. He was tall, but lanky, obviously not a fighter. They didn't understand that it wasn't Kevin who was dangerous; it was Kilgrave. If they had approached before he was out cold, Kilgrave would have ordered them to step into oncoming traffic or throw themselves off a building.

Luckily for me, the pirates respected Klaue and followed my orders to the letter.

"Who are you?" Vanko's heavy accent came through the speaker. Kilgrave had found him.

_'Tell him it doesn't matter who you are.'_ I typed

"It doesn't matter who I am," Kilgrave said. Vanko nodded, repeating the words.

I was practically bouncing in my chair as I typed my next instructions. _'Tell him to disable the Hammer Drone's weapon systems.'_

Like a parrot, Kilgrave complied. "Disable the Weapon systems on the Hammer Drones."

Good, I nodded as Vanko went to work doing just that. '_Tell him to call Justin Hammer and say that they have a complication with the drones.'_

"Call Justin Hammer, tell him there is a complication with the drones."

I couldn't hear Vanko's phone call, but within the hour, Justin Hammer was standing in front of Kilgrave.

"Uh, Ivan...who is this?" Hammer asked.

_'Tell him to call off his appearance at the Stark Expo. Hammer Industries will not be displaying any Hammer Drones.' _I typed.

"Inform anyone you must that your company will not be participating in the Stark Expo."

Hammer calls Senator Stern and a bunch of other people I didn't see in Iron Man 2 before frowning. No doubt wondering why he just did what he did.

_'Tell Hammer to acquire safe transport out of the city for a fugitive.'_

Leaning back in my chair, with a satisfied smile on my face, I watched as Kilgrave works his magic._ Now we wait for Blonsky and Bruce to find Dr. Stern._

Bruce could go free, but I wanted Blonsky before he turned into the Abomination and Stern after he was infected with Bruce's blood.

* * *

**I love it when a plan comes together!**


End file.
